President Vladimir Putin has introduced a new constitutional amendment that mandates his successor—and all future leaders—must be at least 5 centimeters shorter than him. This proposal aims to cement Putin’s status as the tallest figure in contemporary Russian politics, both literally and figuratively. At a height of 170 cm, Putin’s stature will become the benchmark, ensuring no future leader surpasses him.
The amendment includes a rigorous vetting process where potential leaders will undergo multiple rounds of height measurements conducted by a specially appointed Height Verification Committee. This committee, comprised of top scientists and measuring experts, will ensure that no candidate stands taller than 165 cm. “We have devised a foolproof system,” said Dr. Ivan Measurerov, head of the committee. “Our precision instruments and measurement protocols are second to none. There will be no room for error.”
The proposed constitutional change has sparked a mix of reactions from the public and political analysts alike. While some see it as a humorous yet harmless addition, others view it as an alarming move towards greater autocracy. To quell concerns and ensure transparency, the Kremlin has announced that the amendment will be put to a national referendum, allowing Russians to vote on the measure in the upcoming constitutional vote.
International responses to the Height Act have been varied, with some leaders expressing amusement and others raising eyebrows. “It’s certainly an unconventional approach,” remarked a spokesperson for the United Nations. Meanwhile, world leaders have chimed in, noting the political theater involved. As Russia prepares for its next chapter, the Height Act stands as a testament to Vladimir Putin’s enduring influence over the nation. Whether it will pass or be relegated to the annals of satirical history remains to be seen. He must stand as a giant in Russian history, hence, the others must be smaller.